Sorry~

I went there as usual; to the place I once called HOME. I skipped a few weeks, some with valid reasons; some is pure laziness and hate of confrontation. I realize that I shut myself up when I was preparing myself, it wasn’t pleasant at all, not at all.

I stood at the stairs, looking down at the whole hall, it was like I’m watching a live movie, seems familiar but yet I feel like a stranger in that place. I do not fit it. I saw a couple of familiar faces, some that I’ve met before, some that had made promises to me and yet to fulfil it and some that disappoint me over and over again. My heart was hurt; I wanted to run off, far away from there.

I cried in the hall, I ask myself why do I need to torture myself like this. I do not feel happy; I do not feel like I belong there. I don’t understand why after all this while I tried to accept myself for who I am, my personality and my characteristic, people that I once called FAMILY pull me down and leave me there alone. They make me feel bad about myself. They make me feel like I’m not worthy and the things that I believe in are all bunch of lies! It was pure pressure.

Memories flash into my mind, I recalled those days when I first came and enjoyed every single moment of it. But sad to say, this feeling no longer exists in my heart. I can’t breathe, I need to run away.

When I walk out from the place I once called home, I whisper and said “I guess this is good bye. I’m sorry, I LOVE you, but I really can’t take it anymore. Forgive me.”. I cried in the car on my way back, is hard to ignore the things that you know deep down in your heart that it really exist, but yet the existent is torturing yourself. Maybe I just have to do it my way. I don’t know.

p/s: I will still be there for the historical moment, but after that, I really don’t know what awaits for me.